Apple Declares the Professional Photographer "Obsolete" (With Just 80 Hours of Training and a Lighting Crew)
CUPERTINO, CA — For their 50th anniversary, Apple officially signaled the end of the professional photography industry with the unveiling of the iPhone 2P. The tech giant claims the new device "levels the playing field," rendering $1,200-an-hour professionals unnecessary by putting "professional-grade" results into the hands of anyone with a finger and a data plan.
To demonstrate that specialized talent is now "a legacy concept," Apple conducted a field test with non-photographers — providing 80 hours of training, 60 years of collective expert coaching on posing, and a dedicated professional lighting crew stationed at each subject's home to help them document daily life "effortlessly."
The iPhone 2P is slated for Fall 2026 starting at $1,200. For those wishing to replicate the press release results, Apple is offering a supplemental class for an additional $1,300. The company remains confident the general population will finally have no need for a well-trained professional photographer.
King Charles Declines Easter Address, Announces He Shoots Sony Instead
YORKSHIRE, ENGLAND — King Charles III did not issue an Easter greeting this Holy Week. He announced instead that he has taken up photography and that he shoots Sony. The statement produced a response among Sony shooters that observers have described as historically unprecedented.
Sony Suspends Entire Memory Card Line; Local Photographer Unavailable for Comment
TOKYO — Sony Japan announced the immediate suspension of orders across nearly its entire memory card product line, citing a global semiconductor shortage driven by artificial intelligence datacenter demand.
Gerald Fitch, 43, was discovered by his wife the night before a wedding shoot. He had been looking for a card he could reformat. The shelving had other plans.
Ashley, 23, exited the rear window of a Muskegon Heights Police Department SUV and departed on foot. She had an engagement session in an hour and could not disappoint her clients.
Responses range from technically instructive to personally devastating, with one commenter suggesting the couple consider remarrying in better light.
A beach proposal photo accumulates 9.4M views. Lana's name, as several hundred thousand viewers noted independently, reads differently from behind.
Man Proposes to Girlfriend Using Friend as Photographer; Community Rebukes Him, Cites Exhibit A
A man proposed to his girlfriend with a friend behind the camera. The community did not let it go. The resulting image has since become the most cited argument for hiring a professional photographer in the continental United States.
This is what happens when people go cheap with their photos.
% who have left a mean comment in a beginner group: 41
% of those same photographers who typed "we all start somewhere": 41
Avg. months before a new tog buys a 35mm f/1.8: 4
Avg. f/1.4 prime lenses owned by a self-described pro: 3
Number currently in regular use: 1
Number purchased "just to have options": 2
FOR SALE: Think Tank Roller Bag (Emotionally Pre-Owned). Upgrading to something smaller. Apparently I need to be "home more."
FOR SALE: Canon 5D Mark III — $800. Purchased after reading that "full frame changes everything." Everything did not change.
CLASSIFIEDS: March 2026. LR Presets for sale. Was $120, now $0.99. Limited time: 9 years.
Have Your Company or Service Show Up Here · Inquire for Ad Pricing: [email protected]